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The numbers are in and you’re all terrible people.
I am, of course, speaking of the complete betrayal of trust that comes from “Netflix cheating.” That’s when you’ve agreed to watch a show on Netflix with someone else but go and sneak ahead without them. This, God help us, is now an actual concern in modern relationships and quite possibly spells the start of our demise as a species.
A recent survey conducted by the streaming service revealed that 45 percent of couples had cheated on their partner. Over 80 percent of respondents said that the cheating was unplanned, and two thirds couldn’t stop themselves because it felt so good. Just to be clear, we’re talking about streaming.
While that’s not as bad as actually cheating — research puts that number around 40 percent — you’ve got to wonder about the overlap in that Venn diagram. Though, of course, if Netflix cheating is ever considered actual cheating, expect that number to skyrocket. 12 percent of respondents said that it was worse than an actual affair. No value judgment there, just presenting the fact.
And now the national pride. Aussies are more likely to watch ahead on dramas than any other nationality in the world, keeping up our Cal Ripken-like streak of doing immoral things with TV shows (we also lead the world in illegal “Game of Thrones” downloads. Not as a percentage. We managed that with a population of 23 million).
So how do you Netflix cheat on your partner and get away with it? Here are the four best ways:
Rewind
Just make sure the last bit you watched was the end of the episode you were meant to be up to, and trust that ‘Continue Watching’ has your back.
Make a burner profile
It’s the time-honoured tradition of people who have zero trust. Create a dummy account, watch a few episodes and delete the profile in Manage Profiles > Edit Profile > Delete Profile. It’s like it never happened.
Discrete and discreet
Insist on a couple’s profile for all your shared watching, and then use your regular profile discreetly. If it works for bank accounts, it works for Netflix.
Rewrite history
You can delete select episodes from your viewing history. Go to Your Account > Viewing Activity and click that little close box next to each and every indiscretion. Added bonus: Get all the embarrassing stuff out of your watched queue.
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